Never Admit That Your Back Goes Out

I’m Never Without A Bandage.

Marriage Isn't A Contest To See Who Is Most Often Right. Marriage Requires Being What The Japanese Call 'the Wise Bamboo,' Which Means You Bend So You Don't Break. Treat Your Spouse With The Flexibility And Respect You Would Give To A Top Client. Think How We Treat Clients; We Smile, We Are Polite, We Listen To Their Ideas. Never Forget That Your Spouse Is Your Most Important Client.

I Caused My Husband's Heart Attack. In The Middle Of Lovemaking I Took The Paper Bag Off My Head. He Dropped The Polaroid And Keeled Over And So Did The Hooker. It Would Have Taken Me Half An Hour To Untie Myself And Call The Paramedics, But Fortunately The Great Dane Could Dial.

Here's A Thanksgiving Tip. Generally, Your Turkey Is Not Cooked Enough If It Passes You The Cranberry Sauce.

Everyone Thinks Angelina Jolie Was The First Celebrity Baby Hoarder, But She Wasn't. Before Angelina There Was Mia Farrow. Mia Had An Entire Farm Full Of Children. I Think She Got Them At Costco.