My Wife Was Too Beautiful For Words,

Why Is There So Much Month Left At The End Of The Money?

If It Isn't The Sheriff, It's The Finance Company; I've Got More Attachments On Me Than A Vacuum Cleaner.

My Only Regret In The Theater Is That I Could Never Sit Out Front And Watch Me.

The Good Die Young, Because They See It's No Use Living If You Have Got To Be Good.

Mr. [john] Barrymore's Smile Was The Smile Of An Actor Who Hates Actors, And Who Knows That He Is Going To Kill Two Or Three Before The Play Is Over. I Am Not An Actor-killer, But I Like My Hamlets To Dislike Actors, If You Know What I Mean, And I Think You Don't.