My Wife Can't Cook At All. She

With My Dog I Don't Get No Respect. He Keeps Barking At The Front Door. He Don't Want To Go Out. He Wants Me To Leave.

We Sleep In Separate Rooms, We Have Dinner Apart, We Take Separate Vacations - We're Doing Everything We Can To Keep Our Marriage Together.

What A Childhood I Had, Why, When I Took My First Step, My Old Man Tripped Me!

My Problem Is That I Appeal To Everyone That Can Do Me Absolutely No Good.

My Boy Is A Mean Kid. I Came Home The Other Day And Saw Him Taping Worms To The Sidewalk, He Sits There And Watches The Birds Get Hernias. Well, Only Last Christmas I Gave Him A B-b Gun And He Gave Me A Sweatshirt With A Bulls-eye On The Back. I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."