My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

I Had Plenty Of Pimples As A Kid. One Day I Fell Asleep In The Library. When I Woke Up, A Blind Man Was Reading My Face.

A Sense Of Humor Is Rare. It Isn't Telling A Joke About How There Are Three Ways To Get To Heaven. It's Being In A Restaurant And Hearing Someone Say, Everyone's Got Their Tale Of Woe, And Then Turning Around And Saying, Unfortunately, In Life, There's More Woe Than Tail.

You Know You're Ugly When You Go To The Proctologist And He Sticks His Finger In Your Mouth.

One Night She Told Me To Put Out The Garbage. I Told Her "you Cooked It, You Take It Out".

Cars And Women Are A Lot Alike. They Lie About The Milage.