My Mind Says One Thing, But My

I Think Statues Are Great; They Show What Great People Would Look Like If A Bird Sh*t All Over Them.

Let No Man's Deathbed Be A Futon.

It's Not Enough To Say I'm Sorry. You Have To Also Mean It. It's The Same With Saying I'm Single.

The Other Night I Was Playing Twister With Some Amputees.

My Plumbing Is All Screwed Up. Because It Turns Out, I Do Not Own A Garbage Disposal.