My Comedy Doesn't Come From Any Calculations

I Don't Believe That Anybody Has Come To A Conclusion On Why Something Is Funny. It's Funny Because It's Ridiculous And It's Ridiculous For Different Reasons At Different Times.

I Was So Self -conscious, Every Time Football Players Went Into A Huddle, I Thought They Were Talking About Me.

The New York Times Distorts And Defrauds The News And Then Claims To Be Impartial. They Never Give An Even-handed Version Of The News - That's The Last Thing They'd Ever Do.

It's No Longer A Question Of Staying Healthy. It's A Question Of Finding A Sickness You Like.

Blacks Can Get Into Medical School With A Lower Grade ... If That's True, A Jew Should Be Able To Play Basketball With A Lower Net.