My Bubbie Lived To 104, Which Is

Reality Tv Has Totally Destroyed Soap Operas. They're Gone. They Used To Be The Biggest Thing In The World - They're Gone.

I Just Split Up With My Girlfriend, But Like The Japanese Say, “they’ll Be Another One Floating By Any Minute Now.”

One Thing I Can Take Credit For, Along With The Rest Of Show Business, Is When The Red Ribbons Were Out, We Cured Aids. Any Advancements That Came Towards Fighting Aids Were Not Done By Scientists Or Doctors - It Was People With Little Ribbons On Their Lapels.

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!

I Just Don't Accept Midgets As Human Beings. There's Only So Much Political Correctness I Can Accept.