My Best Birth Control Now Is Just

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.

I Have So Little Sex Appeal That My Gynecologist Calls Me "sir."

Joan Collins Told A Reporter That She Hasn't Had Plastic Surgery; Come On... She's Had More Tucks Than A Motel Bedsheet!

I'm Telling You That At Eight She Knew More About Reproduction Than Xerox.

Don't Talk To Me About Gravity. When I Get Out Of Bed In The Morning, I Have To Be Careful Not To Step On My Breasts.