Money Can't Buy You Happiness. It Just

Jews Don't Drink Much Because It Interferes With Their Suffering.

My Wife Sent Me A Valentine Card That Said, "take My Heart, Take My Lips, Take My Soul." That's Just Like Her. She Kept The Good Parts For Herself.

I Like To Think Of Myself As The Middleman Between Fred Allen And Henny Youngman.

A Man Is Hit By A Car While Crossing A Beverly Hills Street. A Woman Rushes To Him And Cradles His Head In Her Lap, Asking, Are You Comfortable? The Man Answers, I Make A Nice Living.

You're Aging When Your Actions Creak Louder Than Your Words.