Money Can't Buy You Happiness But It

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'

In Life The Only Thing That You Can Expect Is The Unexpected; The Only Surprise Is A Day That Has None.

You Know You're Getting Old When You Buy A Sexy Sheer Nightgown And Don't Know Anyone Who Can See Through It.

The Nice Thing About Viagra Is That They Are Proving Men Can Go Blind On It, So You Can Gain Weight And Have A Great Sex Life.

I'm So Fat And I'm So Depressed; Last Night I Tried To Hang Myself - But The Rope Broke.