Man Is The Only Animal To Borrow

I Look At It This Way: How Much Of The Day Are You Awake? You Think, "i've Gotta Get That Dry Cleaning, I Gotta Get This Going, And This, And This, And This." And All Of A Sudden It's Dinnertime. And Then There's A Moment Of Connection With Your Spouse Or Your Friends. Then You Read And Go To Bed. Wake Up And Then It's The Same All Over. You're Not Awake, You're Not Living, You're Not Experiencing. We Start Early Medicating Ourselves. We Start Kids Early, On Tv And Video Games And So On.

I Think There's A Percentage [of The Audience] That Don't Realize, That Don't Know That [standup] Is How Everything Began. We Planned It, We Work Hard, Rehearsals To Get This. It's More Of A ... It's Not Just Coming In There In A T-shirt And Holding A Microphone.

I Don't Understand Why It Has To Be Either - Or - Either Socialism Or Democracy. Why Can't We Combine Things To Get The Best Of Each System?

A Guy Knows He's In Love When He Loses Interest In His Car For A Couple Of Days.

Men Often Do Things For Women That They Don't Want To Do, So That Women Will Do Things For Men That They Don't Want To Do.