Life Is Tough, Then You Die.

I Go To Bed Early; My Favorite Dream Comes On At Nine.

We're Having Something A Little Different This Year For Thanksgiving. Instead Of A Turkey, We're Having A Swan. You Get More Stuffing

If You Have A Legal Problem, Guess How You Determine Whether Or Not You Need A Lawyer. You See A Lawyer. Isn't That Weird?

The Worst Thing About E-mail Is That You Can’t Interrupt The Other Person. You Have To Read The Whole Thing And Then E-mail Them Back, Pointing Out All Their Mistakes And Faulty Assumptions. It’s Frustrating And It’s Time-consuming. God Bless Phone Calls.

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Is One I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was.