Life Is A Sexually Transmitted Terminal Disease.

They Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.

I'd Much Rather Sit Next To A Smoker In A Restaurant Than A Nose-blower.

If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink, It Would Be Diet Pepsi

Elvis Is Dead And I Don't Feel So Good For Myself.

The Only Way That I Could Figure They Could Improve Upon Coca-cola, One Of Life's Most Delightful Elixirs, Which Studies Prove Will Heal The Sick And Occasionally Raise The Dead, Is To Put Bourbon In It.