Last Week My Tie Caught On Fire,

You Know You're Ugly When You Go To The Proctologist And He Sticks His Finger In Your Mouth.

If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

If You Can't Write Your Own Material, You Have Very Little Chance Of Making It As A Comedian.

My Wife Was Afraid Of The Dark. Then She Saw Me Naked, And Now She's Afraid Of The Light.

At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel, So We'd Wait Till Grandpa Sneezed.