I've Had A Good Day When I

The Menu Of My Mother Consisted Of Only Two Choices: Leave It Or Take It

I Found Out That If You Made People Laugh, They Like You. Most People Got To Like Me Because I Made Them Laugh. When They Didn't, I Hit Them.

What Makes A Comedian Has Nothing To Do With Religion. Think Of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, Who Were All Catholics.

A Comedian Sees The World Bent. I'm Tangent To The Circle.

You Want To Know What Makes Me Tick, I'll Tell You What Makes Me Tick. I Was A Boy Growing Up In Brooklyn; I Read A Two-penny Magazine Called 'the Hawk's Nest.' Nobody Entered That Nest That Didn't Leave A Little Richer And A Little Wiser. And That 11-year-old Boy Said, 'isn't That A Wonderful Thing.' And That's All There Is To It.