I've Had A Few Arguments With People,

Ninety-nine Percent Is In The Delivery. If You Have The Right Voice And The Right Delivery, You're Cocky Enough, And You Pound Down On The Punch Line, You Can Say Anything And Make People Laugh Maybe Three Times Before They Realize You're Not Telling Jokes.

I've Had A Few Arguments With People, But I Never Carry A Grudge. You Know Why? While You're Carrying A Grudge, They're Out Dancing.

When I Do An Hour-and-a-half Show, If I Don't Improvise 20 Minutes Worth Of New Material Each Night, I Feel I've Let Myself Down.

What Makes A Comedian Has Nothing To Do With Religion. Think Of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, Who Were All Catholics.

Golf Is More Fun Than Walking Naked In A Strange Place, But Not Much.