It's Taken Me A Lot Of Years

The Key, I Would Say To Any Fledgling Humorist Starting Out, Is To Make Sure That Sloppiness Is Part Of Your Recipe. That Way They Come To Expect Fumbling And Clumsiness And They Say, "oh, It Must Be A Charming Part Of His Personality."

We're Cognizant, Curious Beings, Capable Of Philosophical Thought, Nuclear Physics, Repeating Nerf Weapons, Global Consciousness, Glade Air Fresheners, And Sentient Automobiles. But We're Assholes First.

We Realized That The World Of Popular Culture Had Been Creating The Perfect Candidate For Many Years: The Female Champion Of The Universe.

How Lucky My Life Is That I Have Two Arms, And Two Legs, And Ten Fingers With Which To Make Things Out Of Wood.

I've Never Seen A Theater Community To Rival That Of Chicago. Neither New York Nor L.a. Has The Raw Talent Or Integrity That Chicago Theater Has, And I Think It's Because Chicago Doesn't Have Broadway Or The Film And Tv Business To Distract It.