It's Taken Me A Lot Of Years

Men And Women Alike, If You Think That Altering The Tip Of Your Nose With Surgery Will Make You Happier, I Would Suggest You Alter Something Much More Malleable Than Your Flesh, Like Your Priorities, Or Your Friends.

I Learned In My Early Years In The Theater That I Would Never Become The Guy On Top. I'll Never Create A Show; I Don't Have A Brain Expansive Enough To See The Whole Picture, In A Way That Would Behoove Anyone.

My Uncles, Who Are Farmers In Minooka, Illinois - I Grew Up With Them And Their Pickup Trucks And Mustaches, And To Me That Was Masculinity: Big Hairy Sweaty Guys Who Could Pick Up A Bus.

People Keep Referring To Me As A Standup, And That Just Doesn't Sit Well With Me Because A Lot Of My Friends Are Standups And They're Brilliant At Writing Jokes, And I'm Not.

I Like To Play Women Who Are Not Strong At All, Because, There's Certainly Plenty Of Myself That Is No Kind Of A Warrior.