It's Not So Much Knowing When To

Any Man Who Would Walk Five Miles Through The Snow, Barefoot, Just To Return A Library Book So He Could Save Three Cents - That's My Kind Of Guy.

I Believe In Being Honest With Myself. If There's One Thing I Hate It's When A Comedian Is Great And Won't Admit It. I've Never Met One Like That, But If I Did, I'd Hate Them.

I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I Quit Because I Found There Was No Money In Old Newspapers.

A Scout Troop Consists Of Twelve Little Kids Dressed Like Schmucks Following A Big Schmuck Dressed Like A Kid.

No Matter How Often I Tell People I'm Thirty-nine Some Of Them Refuse To Believe I'm That Old.