In Spite Of The Poor Economy, Almost

In America, We Like Everyone To Know About The Good Work We're Doing Anonymously.

That American Taliban Kid Johnny Walker Was Indicted Today. Ten Counts Of Terrorism. He Could Get 5 Life Sentences. In Taliban Terms, That's 360 Virgins.

You Know What Really Makes This Embarrassing? The Other Day The President Said The Leaders In Iraq Are 'ready To Take Off The Training Wheels.' That's What He Said, 'take Off The Training Wheels.' Then He Goes Out And Falls Off His Bicycle. And They Wonder Why The Rest Of The World Doesn't Take Us Seriously.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced That He Is Going To Run For Governor On Our Program Last Night. My Staff Didn't Know, Arnold's Staff Didn't Know, I Was Shocked As Everyone Else. If He Doesn't Get Elected Governor, Maybe He Should Work For The Cia. I Mean, He Can Keep A Secret Better Than They Can.

More Details Coming Out About Michael Jackson. It Seems His 13-year-old Accuser Testified Before A Grand Jury That Michael Had Seven Locks On His Bedroom Door. See, What Happened Was Whenever Michael Would Install One Lock, The Kid Would Grow An Inch Taller, And He'd Have To Put In Another One, And Then Another One, And Then Another One.