The New York Police Department Says Iran

Happiness Is A Privilege.

President Bush Announced Tonight That He Believes In Democracy And That Democracy Can Exist In Iraq. They Can Have A Strong Economy, They Can Have A Good Health Care Plan, And They Can Have A Free And Fair Voting. Iraq? We Can't Even Get This In Florida.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Pardoned A Turkey, Though She Said She Was Amazed To Find Out That, Besides Being A Bird, Turkey Is Also A Country. Did You See That All Over The Internet Today? While Sarah Palin Was Pardoning A Turkey, Right Behind Her Was A Guy Slaughtering Turkeys. But, See, Like Most Internet Stories, A Little Half-true. Turns Out That, After A Couple Of Minutes Listening To Sarah Palin's Voice, The Turkeys Said 'kill Us Now.'

The Ceo Of The Cheesecake Factory Is Now Warning That Obamacare Will Be Very Costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory Is One Of The Reasons We Need Obamacare In The First Place.

There's All This Talk About Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, You Know Where He Is Now? Visiting Mexico, Which I Think Means That He Is Definitely Going To Run For Governor. Arnold Is Smart. He's In Mexico Campaigning With The Very People Who'll Be Living Here By Election Time.