I'm Very Resilient. The Only Thing I'm

I'm The Type Of Guy Where One Thing Leads To Another And Eventually It Gets Awful. If I Put A $5 Bet On A Roulette Table Tonight At 10 O'clock, By Tomorrow At Noon I Would Be Running Guns To Cuba.

I Ain't Apologizing For Anything, Especially If It's A Joke.

When I Black Out, It's The Happiest Time Of My Life.

I Had A Career Before The Stern Show, On Mad Tv. I Was On The First Two Seasons Of That And I Got Kicked Off It Because Of Possession Of Cocaine.

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?