I'm Not Going To Name Any Names,

I Love The Internet, And The Internet Loves Me Back. Why Else Would It Offer Me So Much Sex?

If I Had Free Time To Go To Los Angeles To Shoot A Movie, I Would Rather Spend It With My Kids.

Nasa Scientists Have Discovered A New Form Of Life, Unfortunately, It Won't Date Them Either.

It's Time For Me To Give Out An Award To Newly Elected Majority Leader John Boehner. Mr. Boehner Was Elected Just A Few Days Ago To Reform House Republicans, Who Are Feeling The Heat From Lobbyist Scandals. Well, Cnn Found Out That He Rents His Two-bedroom Apartment From A Lobbyist Who Had Clients Who Had Interests In Legislation That Boehner Sponsored. And For That, Mr. Boehner, You've Just Won A Pair Of Stephen Colbert's Big Brass Balls.

There's A Wonderfully Cooperative Relationship Between Management And Labor Right Now. Much Like The Historic Partnership Between Oranges And A Juicer.