I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream...

I Do My Show Half-hour A Night Four Nights A Week. I Haven't Seen My Kids In 18 Months, And I Am Losing Calcium In My Bones. Doctors Say I Should Stop. I'm Not Going To.

I Guess 14% Plus Jesus Equals Victory

Obama Avoided The Vietnam Draft With A Letter From His Family Doctor Diagnosing Him As Medically Eight.

I Used To Make Up Stuff In My Bio All The Time, That I Used To Be A Professional Ice-skater And Stuff Like That. I Found It So Inspirational. Why Not Make Myself Cooler Than I Am?

Marijuana Is A Gateway Drug That Can Lead To Awful Things, Like Phish Getting Back Together.