I'm Not Childless, Darling. I Am Childfree.

I Read Shakespeare And The Bible, And I Can Shoot Dice. That's What I Call A Liberal Education.

If You Know Your Bible And Your Shakespeare And Can Shoot Craps, You Have A Liberal Education.

I've Been Called Many Things, But Never An Intellectual.

All My Life I've Been Terrible At Remembering People's Names. I Once Introduced A Friend Of Mine As Martini. Her Name Was Actually Olive.

Wracked With A Hangover I Do My Muttering Over A Black Velvet, A Union Of Champagne And Stout. Don't Be Swindled Into Believing There's Any Cure For A Hangover. I've Tried Them All: Iced Tomatoes, Hot Clam Juice, Brandy Peaches. Like The Common Cold It Defies Solution. Time Alone Can Stay It. The Hair Of The Dog? That Way Lies Folly. It's As Logical As Trying To Put Out A Fire With Applications Of Kerosene.