I Have Enemies I've Never Met -

Say Anything About Me, Darling, As Long As It Isn't Boring.

Don't Be Taken In By The Guff That Critics Are Killing The Theater. Commonly They Sin On The Side Of Enthusiasm. Too Often They Give Their Blessing To Trash.

I Have Three Phobias ...: I Hate Going To Bed, Get Up And Hate Hate Being Alone.

Wracked With A Hangover I Do My Muttering Over A Black Velvet, A Union Of Champagne And Stout. Don't Be Swindled Into Believing There's Any Cure For A Hangover. I've Tried Them All: Iced Tomatoes, Hot Clam Juice, Brandy Peaches. Like The Common Cold It Defies Solution. Time Alone Can Stay It. The Hair Of The Dog? That Way Lies Folly. It's As Logical As Trying To Put Out A Fire With Applications Of Kerosene.

Whatever You Have Read I Have Said Is Almost Certainly Untrue, Except If It Is Funny, In Which Case I Definitely Said It.