I'm Not A Comic. I'm A Humorist.

When I Lost My Rifle, The Army Charged Me 85 Dollars. That Is Why In The Navy The Captain Goes Down With The Ship.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Liberal Scorned.

The Most Difficult Thing To Get People To Do Is To Accept The Obvious.

Luck Is Opportunity Meeting Up With Preparation. So You Must Prepare Yourself To Be Lucky.

I Am Really Enjoying The New Martin Luther King Jr Stamp - Just Think About All Those White Bigots, Licking The Backside Of A Black Man.