I'm Like Will Rogers, I Never Met

My Wife Mary And I Have Been Married For Forty-seven Years And Not Once Have We Had An Argument Serious Enough To Consider Divorce; Murder, Yes, But Divorce, Never.

I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I Quit Because I Found There Was No Money In Old Newspapers.

Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

The Only Way I'll Ever Get Hurt In The Casino Is If There's An Earthquake And A Slot Machine Falls On My Foot.

I Believe In Being Honest With Myself. If There's One Thing I Hate It's When A Comedian Is Great And Won't Admit It. I've Never Met One Like That, But If I Did, I'd Hate Them.