I Was Born In Waukegan A Long,

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

Give Me Golf Clubs, Fresh Air And A Beautiful Partner, And You Can Keep The Clubs And The Fresh Air.

I'm Happy To Be Making My First Appearance On Air Professionally. By That I Mean I'm Finally Getting Paid, Which I Know Will Be A Great Relief To My Creditors.

Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.