How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall?

Modesty Is My Best Quality.

I'm Happy To Be Making My First Appearance On Air Professionally. By That I Mean I'm Finally Getting Paid, Which I Know Will Be A Great Relief To My Creditors.

I'm Like Will Rogers, I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like... Well, Eichmann Maybe.

Hors D'oeuvre: A Ham Sandwich Cut Into Forty Pieces.

Comedy Itself Is Based Upon Very Old Principles Of Which I Can Readily Name Seven. They Are, In Short: The Joke, Exaggeration, Ridicule, Ignorance, Surprise, The Pun, And Finally, The Comic Situation.