I'm Fine, I Am Just Going To

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.

If Haters Or Whatever Want To Find You - I Mean, Some Of Them Are So Tenacious. You Want To Hire Them To Work For You. Theyre Very, Very Savvy In Terms Of How They Find You And Get To You.

I Had Never Done A Roast, But I Really Wanted To, Because It's So Different From Standup.

Saw A Lost Dog Sign With A Pic Of The Dog And A Little Boy Hugging It. I'm Assuming The Kids Safe And We're Just Focusing On The Pooch.