I'm A Doofus From The Valley, A

When I'm In Power, Here's How I'm Gonna Put The Country Back On Its Feet. I'm Going To Put Sterilizing Agents In The Following Products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, And Thick-crust Pizza. Only The 'tardiest Of The 'tards Like The Thick Crust.

Millions Of Guys Play Millions Of Basketball Games Every Day Of The Week At The Playground Or The Ymca. But Lebron James Gets $20 Million A Year Because He Can Jam On All Of Those Guys. We're Always Going To Want To See Lebron And Kobe Go At It.

I Don't Like Soccer. I Think It Makes You Soft. And By The Way, You Telling Me It's The Biggest Whatever In The World, Look, They Drink Tea Everywhere Too; They're Pussies, You Understand? I Want Some Coffee.

When You Have Kids, You Instantly Feel That You Do Not Want To Do Them Wrong. Those Dads That Go Off To Florida And Start A New Life, I Couldn’t Imagine That: Seeing My Kid Once Every Christmas, Every Three Years. If I’m Gone For Six Days It Feels Like Too Much.

If You Spend Your Life Walking Through Somebody Else's Museum, You Never Find Out Whether You're Rembrandt Or Not.