Life Is Just The Time Between Crapping

What We Used To Settle With Common Sense Or A Fist, We Settle With Hand Sanitizer And Lawyers.

I'm Harmless. I Don't Have Any Ill Will Or Ill Thought Towards Anybody. When People Know You're That Way, You Can Say Stuff That The Creepy Guy At Your Office Could Never Get Away With.

I've Never Not Finished A Masturbatory Session Or A Pizza. Those Are The Two Things I've Never Left Behind.

I'm Like John Q. Public. I Represent What Every Guy Wants And Needs.

I'm Not Sexist, I'm Just A Realist.