I Can Do More Than Just Stand-up

I Was Not A Silly Kid Or Outgoing. In Fact, I Suffered From Quite A Bit Of Anxiety. I Used To Have Panic Attacks When I Was A Teenager, Really Incapacitating Moments, Because I Had Some Phobias.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

I'm Watching Some Television Tonight. I'm Watching The Discovery Channel. You Know, This Channel, You Never Ever Plan On Watching This. It Just Happens. You're Flickin' Around, All Of A Sudden - Boom - You're Watching A Mole For An Hour-and-a-half.

I Always Wanted To Do A B&e. Not Bacon And Eggs. Although I Could Always Go For Bacon And Eggs. I'm Talking About Breaking In And Entering.

You Must Accept Responsibility For Your Actions. This Doesn't Include Reactions, Interactions Or Transactions If You're Thinkin' Loophole.