I Can Do More Than Just Stand-up

Video Games Don't Make People Go Nuts. I Played Super Mario Forever. Not Once Hopping On A Turtle Or Smash My Head Through A Brick Ceiling.

I Don't Write Any Of My Material Down. I Like To Improvise And Be Spontaneous.

I Was Told By A Girl Once That I Should Teach A Course On How To Kiss Properly. I Thought That Was Really A Nice Compliment. I Then Asked Her What She Thought About My Sexual Prowess And She Recommended I Talk To A Guy She Used To Date. Body Blow.

I Would Still Have Old Ladies Come Up To Me After The Show And Pat Me On The Cheek After I Had Said All This Vulgar Stuff. They Would Be Like, 'oh You're A Silly Boy - We Know You're Just Playing.

You Know Your Gut Instincts Are Spot On About A Person When You Can Also Detect A Water Source In The Soil Beneath Them.