If Someone Says That I'm The Best

I Have Always Felt Comedy And Tragedy Are Roommates. If You Look Up Comedy And Tragedy, You Will Find A Very Old Picture Of Two Masks. One Mask Is Tragedy. It Looks Like Its Crying. The Other Mask Is Comedy. It Looks Like Its Laughing. Nowadays, We Would Say, How Tasteless And Insensitive. A Comedy Mask Is Laughing At A Tragedy Mask.

I'm Used To Explaining To People Why My Jokes Were Funny.

I Understand Being Less Sexy Than Osama Bin Laden, But Not Less Sexy Than Carrot Top. That, I Find Offensive.

One Pleasant Surprise Was When I Interviewed Butch Patrick. I Was Expecting This Bitter Old Drunk, And Instead He Had A Total Sense Of Humor About His Career And His Drinking And Drug Problem.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.