If Only Opening A Vitamin Water Could

You Think When Gym Teachers Were Younger, They're Thinking, "you Know, I Want To Teach...but I Don't Want To Read. How About Kickball For 40 Years?"

No One Goes Into Standup To Make Money. The Frustration And Rejection Are Just Too Much.

Jesus If You Could Cure Our Son's Blindness That'd Be Great... And We'd Love Some Shelves Over There.

It Is Amazing How Much More Amazing Sleep Is In The Morning. You Wake Up And You're Like, "i Stayed Up To Do What?! Watch Growing Pains? What Was I Thinking!?" But At Night You're Like, "la La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, Awesome! And I've Seen This Episode. That Kirk Cameron's Always In Trouble."

You Ever Find Yourself Being Lazy For No Reason At All? Like, You Pick Up Your Mail, You Go In Your House, You Realize You Have A Letter For A Neighbor. You Ever Just Look At The Letter And Go "hm. Looks Like They're Never Getting This. It'll Take Too Much Energy To Go Back Outside. I'm Gonna Get That To Them Later On. Right Now I Gotta Watch Some 'love Connection.' They Got Some New Host On There."