If I Had Taken My Doctor's Advice

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.

I Don't Worry About Getting Old. I'm Old Already. Only Young People Worry About Getting Old. When I Was 65, I Had Cupid's Eczema. I Don't Believe In Dying. It's Been Done. I'm Working On A New Exit. Besides, I Can't Die Now - I'm Booked.

When We Played The Back End Of A Horse We Always Knew That If We Worked Hard And Did A Good Job We Could Become The Front End.

Yale Men Do Not Like To Be Told Anything By People Who Didn't Go To Yale. The Closest I Came To Yale Was Once I Had One Of Their Padlocks.

If You Were Married To Marilyn Monroe, You'd Cheat With Some Ugly Girl.