If I Had A Hammer, There'd Be

If Jesus Was A Jew, How Come He Has A Mexican First Name?

A Lot Of People Are Too Easily Offended. Religious People, For Instance. They've Been Offending Other People For Centuries.

[to Audience Members Who Were Arriving Late] You Haven't Missed A Thing, I Was Just Killing Time 'til You Got Here.

Ally Macleod Thinks That Tactics Are A New Kind Of Mint.

People Who Are Willing To Get Off Their Arse To Search The Entire Room For The Tv Remote Because They Refuse To Walk To The Tv And Change The Channel Manually.