If I Had A Dime For Everytime

Naturally The U.s. Trails In Gold Medals Because Every Time We Win One, We Hand It Over To The Chinese To Pay Off Our Debt.

A Lot Of People Have Said, "oh, I, Boy, I Wish Hillary Clinton Would Just Go Away."

Comedians Dissect Jokes All The Time. Comedians Are Beautiful Structuralists. But Ultimately It's An Athletic Endeavor. You Have To Be Able To Just Hit The Backhand. You Can't Think About All The Pieces Of It. You Can't Think About Your Swing. You Just Have To Do It. Reading Someone Else's Deconstruction Of What I Do, All It Does Is Put Me In My Head. On Nights When The Show Goes Particularly Well, I Am Not Aware Of Its Fluidity. A Lot Of Nights I'm Just Worried That I'm Not Going To Be As Good As The Script In Front Of Me.

I Love The Earth. If You Ask Me It's The Greatest Planet In The World.

Hey, Single Malt Scotch, Youre Thirty Years Old. When Are You Going To Settle Down And Get Married To My Stomach?