Don't Be Bitter. Everybody Suffers. If You

They Think I'm Silly. I Do Silly Things. I Fall Down And Run Into Things. I Talk To Inanimate Objects. I'll Hold A Pickup Stick To My Ear And Say, "what? What's That? I Can't Hear You

I Used To Play A Narcissistic-conservative Pundit. Now, I'm Just A Narcissist.

Usually When Donald Trump Wants To Keep Someone Out Of Military Service, He Just Fakes A Doctor's Note Saying He Has A Foot Injury. It Worked Fine For Him During Vietnam.

I Know That The Pope's Infallible, But That Doesn't Mean He Can't Make Mistakes.

I Hope People'll Find Out Pretty Quickly That The Guy They Saw For 10 Years Was My Sense Of Humor The Whole Time.