I Worship The Quicksand He [richard Nixon]

Every Time You Think Television Has Hit Its Lowest Ebb, A New Program Comes Along To Make You Wonder Where You Thought The Ebb Was.

If You're Hung Up On Nostalgia, Pretend Today Is Yesterday And Just Go Out And Have One Hell Of A Time.

It Was A Dangerous Profession I Had Chosen ... Because No One Likes A Funny Kid. In Fact, Adults Are Scared Silly Of Them And Tend To Warn Children Who Act Out That They Are Going To Wind Up In Prison Or Worse. It Is Only When You Grow Up That They Pay You Vast Sums Of Money To Make Them Laugh.

I Don't Mind 800 Million Chinese Drinking A Bottle [of Coca-cola] A Day, But I Don't Want Them To Bring Back The Empties.

I'm Working When I'm Fighting With My Wife. I Constantly Ask Myself-how Can I Use This Stuff To Literary Advantage.