I Wish I Lived Next To Carnegie

To Remove Blood Stains From Your Conscience Try Frozen Margaritas.

One Thing You Never Hear Is "man That Guy Is Good At Badminton".

I Care About Politics, But I Have A Tough Time Making Comedy Out Of It. I Was So Happy To Have A Chance To Be On The Daily Show, And I Think Jon Stewart's So Funny... But Mostly In My Own Comedy, I Care About Less Relevant Things.

A Sports Bar Is A Way To Take A Bar And Fill It With Even More Annoying People Than Usual.

If You Remove A Treehouse From A Tree, Than It's Just A Shitty House. Sometimes When I'm In A Shitty House, I Like To Imagine That It's In A Tree, Than It's Like Woah, This House Is Amazing.