I Can Always Tell How Stupid Someone

Everything I Ever Learned I Was Told By Someone Else.

It Is Interesting That The Black Bmw Is The Preferred Car Of So Many Assholes.

How Many Of You Are Creative? I Don't Know, But For Me, When You Make A Bunch Of Things Over Time And Then You Keep Them... You Forget. I Look Through My Sketchbooks And I'm An Audience For Myself.

Count Your Blessings, But Not Out-loud, At The Top Of Your Lungs.

I Care About Politics, But I Have A Tough Time Making Comedy Out Of It. I Was So Happy To Have A Chance To Be On The Daily Show, And I Think Jon Stewart's So Funny... But Mostly In My Own Comedy, I Care About Less Relevant Things.