I Went Window Shopping Today! I Bought

Well, My Wife And I Were Married In A Toilet - It Was A Marriage Of Convenience!

Two Fish In A Tank, One Says To The Other - You Drive I'll Man The Guns.

I Had A Ploughman's Lunch The Other Day. He Wasn't Very Happy.

So I Went To The Doctor's Yesterday. He Said, "what Appears To Be The Problem?" I Said, "i Keep Having This Dream, Night After Night, Beautiful Girls Rushing Towards Me And I Keep Pushing Them Away." He Said, "how Can I Help?" I Said: "break My Arms."

Police Arrested Two Kids Yesterday, One Was Drinking Battery Acid, The Other Was Eating Fireworks. They Charged One And Let The Other One Off.