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I Have Stood In A Bar In Lambourn And Been Offered, In The Space Of Five Minutes, A Poached Salmon, A Leg Of A Horse, A Free Trip To Chantilly, Marriage, A Large Unsolicited Loan, Ten Tips For A Ten-horse Race, Two Second-hand Cars, A Fight, And The Copyright To A Dying Jockey's Life Story.

What A Pity People Don't Take As Much Trouble With Their Own Breeding As Intelligent Racehorse Owners Do. But Then I Suppose It Is Bordering On Fascism To Think Like That.

Women Should Have Labels On Their Foreheads Saying, 'government Health Warning: Women Can Seriously Damage Your Brains, Genitals, Current Account, Confidence, Razor Blades, And Good Standing Among Your Friends'.

A Lot Of Girls Annoy Me Who Go To University - One Girl Told Me She Was Going To Oxford Because It Was Something To Do Between Leaving School And Getting Married. And I've Got To Pay For That Being An Income Tax Payer.

In Most Betting Shops You Will See Three Windows Marked 'bet Here', But Only One Window With The Legend 'pay Out'.