I Was So Ugly My Mother Used

Last Week My Tie Caught On Fire, Some Guy Tried To Put It Out With An Axe.

I Know I'm Not Sexy. In High School I Was Voted Most Likely To Masturbate.

My Cousin Is Gay, I Always Tell Him That In Our Family Tree, He's In The Fruit Section.

My Wife And I Were Happy For 20 Years. Then We Met.

I'm A Downer. I've Been Depressed My Whole Life. Figure It Out.