I Was So Ugly My Mother Used

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Played Hide-and-seek. They Wouldn't Even Look For Me.

And My Girlfriend, She's Fat! How Fat? She's So Fat She Wears Two Watches-one For Each Time Zone!

My Wife Was Afraid Of The Dark. Then She Saw Me Naked, And Now She's Afraid Of The Light.

What A Childhood I Had - I Was Ten Years Old When I Found Out Alpo Was Dog Food.

I Bought A New Japanese Car, I Turned On The Radio ... I Don't Understand A Word They're Saying.