I Was An Angst-y Journal Writing Kid.

The Baby Will Talk When He Talks, Relax. It Ain't Like He Knows The Cure For Cancer And Just Ain't Spitting It Out.

Los Angeles Is Like San Diego's Older, Uglier Sister That Has Herpes.

If It's Not Bourbon Or Sweatpants, It's Going In The Garbage.... No, Don't Get Creative. Now Is Not A Creative Time. Now Is A Bourbon And Sweatpants Time.

I'm Not A Guy Who Curses Very Much In My Personal Life. When I Curse It Sounds Like A Kid Trying To Be Cool. But I Think There Are Quite A Few People, My Father Being One Of Them, Who Use Curse Words Rather Eloquently.

You Worry Too Much. Eat Some Bacon...what? No, I Got No Idea If It'll Make You Feel Better, I Just Made Too Much Bacon.