I Was A Thirteen-year-old Boy For Thirty

If I Ever Complain To An Agent About Anything, He Always Has A Pained Look On His Face, Like, "how Can You Be So Ungrateful? Why, Mick, I Just Named My Yacht After You!"

Had I Been Brighter, The Ladies Been Gentler, The Scotch Been Weaker, Had The Gods Been Kinder, Had The Dice Been Hotter, This Could Have Been A One-sentence Story: Once Upon A Time I Lived Happily Ever After.

Someone Once Asked Me What I Want On My Epitaph When I Pass Away. Just The Words 'i Tried.' That's What This Game Of Life Is All About. Trying. There's The Tryers, The Criers, And The Liars.

Clark Gable Once Said To Me, "'acting School?' [if You Go,] I'll Kill Ya!"

Women Liked Me Because I Made Them Laugh.