I Used To Do Drugs. I Still

Every Time I Walk By A Spy Shop, I Think That I Need To Put Some Surveillance On Somebody. Rick's Been Acting Fishy! I Need To Buy A Safe That Looks Like A Spray 'n Wash Can. "hey, Mitch, Can I Use The Spray 'n Wash?" "yeah, If You Want To Spray Your Shirt With Documents!"

Has Anyone Seen Me On Letterman? Two Million People Watch That Show And I Don't Know Where They Are. You Might Have Seen This Next Comedian On The Late Show, But I Think More People Have Seen Me At The Store. That Should Be My Introduction. "you Might Have Seen This Next Comedian At The Store," And People Would Say "hell Yes I Have!"

I Was At A Restaurant, And I Ordered A Chicken Sandwich, But I Don't Think The Waitress Understood Me. She Asked Me, "how Would You Like Your Eggs?" I Thought I Would Answer Her Anyway And Said, "incubated! And Then Raised, Plucked, Beheaded, Cut Up, Put Onto A Grill, And Then Put Onto A Bun. Damn! I Don't Have That Much Time! Scrambled!"

Comedy Clubs Have Brick Walls Behind The Performer. Bricks Make You Funny. When I'm In Front Of A Fireplace, I'm Hilarious.

How Does A Sesame Seed Stick To A Bun? That's Magical. There Must Be Some Sesame Seed Glue Out There. Either That Or They're Adhesive On One Side. Peel Off The Backing, Place It On The Bun.