I Drank Some Boiling Water Because I

You Should Never Tell Someone They Have A Nice Dimple, Because Maybe They Were Shot In The Face With A Bb Gun.

Comedy Clubs Have Brick Walls Behind The Performer. Bricks Make You Funny. When I'm In Front Of A Fireplace, I'm Hilarious.

I Like It When People Come To See Me Again, But You End Up Playing To That Person Only. You Know There's Other People Out There, But You Also Know That The Person Who Came To See You Again Is There. You're Like, "i Hope He's Happy Again."

When We Were On Acid, We Would Go Into The Woods, Because There Was Less Chance That You Would Run Into An Authority Figure. But We Ran Into A Bear. My Friend Duane Was There, Raising His Right Hand, Swearing To Help Prevent Forest Fires. He Told Me, "mitchell, Smokey Is Way More Intense In Person!"

I Want To Ride In A Cold Air Balloon. "this Isn't Going Anywhere!"