I Think The One Thing I Would

I Have Talents Aplenty. Unfortunately, Precious Few Of Them Have Any Redeeming Social Value.

I Don't Like Stand-up Comedy That Requires A Lot Of Props. I Really Respect People Who Can Walk Out Onstage Alone And With No Other Tool But Their Own Minds And Can Make You Laugh And Maybe Even Think A Little.

They Say The Oil Spill Has The Potential To Kill More Wildlife Than A Sarah Palin Hunting Trip.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

The Winner Of The Westminster Dog Show Gets To Drink Champagne - Out Of The Toilet.